hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
