ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You are a genius and a whore.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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