I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Randomize
