Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
