she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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