I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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