I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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