so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up under a house in Key West
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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