All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
