there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
