so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
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she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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