hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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