It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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