Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
