You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
