I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he shaved USA in his pubs
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your cock deserves a montage
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
