he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My ass is underappreciated
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
