I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
