Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
