So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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