she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
