I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
