i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
