All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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