2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
