If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
