Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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