cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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