Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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