I want to walk on stilts...naked
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
