from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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