Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
