so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
