im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
