I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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