k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
my liver is dry heaving
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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