So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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