There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
