she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
