these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
