Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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