At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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