note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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