Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You did what with his pubic hair?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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