i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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