The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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