What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
