i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
