My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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