That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
