Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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