Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
COCAINE IS GR8
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
