So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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