I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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