so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
