Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
