I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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