im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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