allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize