I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
