ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
