Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sober January is a disaster.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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