I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
