the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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