Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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