If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
