You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
