i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
