Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
