I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
