Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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