The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
