Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
