meet me or not, i'm out of control
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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